Yeah, yeah... I watched American Idol

Randy's put the weight back on, Paula remains drunk and/or on pills, Simon's not being rude (but...). And Seacrest seems a little more distant than usual. He's doing the scene, but still thinking about the fluffer, if you know what I mean.

We DVRed four hours and watched them all in a row, and we'll keep watching all damn season until I'm all emotionally invested and getting weepy about the backstory clips (how DARE they put a crack baby on this season!)

I'm just lashing out, because I know if I ever tried out (I could pass for 28! I could!), I'd be one of those "special friendship" guys after some semi-retarded guy decides I look approachable and I don't want to obviously distance myself from him/it while the cameras are rolling. And the judges would tell us not to be down about it, but singing wasn't really our thing, and we'd be understanding ('cause we're used to disappointment and not ever winning or feeling like we belong) and we'd walk off, patting each other's shoulders and maybe stumbling a little, tripping over a patch of nothing on the sidewalk. He'd pick his butt and I'd bang my hip on a fire hydrant. And I don't even like the guy that much, this special friend I met while on this once-in-a-lifetime audition. And he keeps calling me for WEEKS afterwards, and one time shows up at my house, because he took the wrong bus and ended up in North Carolina instead of the Goodwill Store next to his Nana's neighbor's house. Jesus dude, every time I see you, every time you call, it just reminds me of the way those stupid jerk judges treated me! Like I wasn't even human!

Fuck you, Simon! I AM special, and you ARE just jealous. I AM a good singer- a great singer, and I won't give up on my dream, not now! Not ever! So why don't you just go back to England, cause I don't hear you singing any number one single song!

.... or maybe they'd just take me if I pretended I was a GI. They're doing well this season.